writing tip #894:

DON’T mention spaghetti

imagine going on a first date with someone on valentine’s day and they ask to go see the fifty shades of grey movie

writing tip #893:

male readers can be squeamish when it comes to periods in narratives, so use different punctuation marks

writing tip #892:

it’s too fucking hot you don’t get a tip tonight

writing tip #891:

get any reader’s attention by making your opening as “unintentionally” sexually suggestive as possible

writing tip #890:

want your name on a novel but you’re as creative as a brick? no problem! take an overused yet memorable book you read in your tenth grade english class and rewrite it with everyone as zombie ferrets

writing tip #889:

struggling to convey your characters’ emotions? why not use memes

writing tip #888:

change all dictionary definitions while no one’s looking to make your rival authors look like they don’t know how to string a sentence together

writing tip #887:

never erase mistakes, how would you feel if someone erased you?

writing tip #886: